He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
