Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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