So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
