Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
