I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
