you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
