I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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