It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
