Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
