So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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