I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
