I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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