She's JV to your varsity
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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