I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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