she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
