I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
