she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
