First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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