community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
