Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
