I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
