i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
