Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
