i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I only lived at night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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