I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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