Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
