Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
