Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
