I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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