I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
