Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this hospital has no fireball
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
