i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
