If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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