Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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