That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
