You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
