The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
