Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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