How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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