The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize