You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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