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This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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