Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
cat food counts as protein by the way
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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