ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
