oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
