My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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