make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
