Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
