Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
