Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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