and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize