just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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