There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
