My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
