Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
