Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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