its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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