I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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