I'm so fucking centered right now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
