That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
