atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
